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08 January 2013 @ 01:23 pm
2012 was a much better year than 2011. I learned to embrace the single life. I realized that my dreams couldn't come true, and I accepted that. I turned 30, and I was ok with that. I've struggled with giving up early adulthood and being forced into the next phase of life when I'm just not ready. Even though I can't get my 20's back, there's still so much more I want to fill my life with before I "settle down." I can feel youth slipping away, and it aches. I know all this turmoil doesn't sound peaceful, but I feel much more at ease than I have in past years. It's about accepting myself no matter what. Single or not. Whatever job I have. Nothing defines me but me. I've always known that, and I've always known who I am but I think I've also defined myself by my wants, my dreams. I think I was more in the moment in 2012, rather than wishing for a storybook future.


1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
I went on a third date to the Grand Canyon. I had a one night stand. I turned 30! I ran two half marathons in one year, doubling my total and beating my personal records each time. I raced my Tomac twice.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember if I made any resolutions, but it doesn't sound like me. I just want to be happy and make those around me happy. Goals? Sure. Ride across the country. Get a new job. Live somewhere. Run more. Bike more. Smile more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
It seems like everyone gave birth this year. Kevin and Amber did. Jackie and Matt did. There were babies all over facebook.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada, as usual. Almost entirely for work. I might have visited Dan once.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Less spite and bitterness. More love. Also, more money! And a better job. And everything on my birthday list, including an airplane and a cyclocross bike.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Dates are fuzzy. June 3rd or 4th is when I did a bike race in the morning then met Katera. That whole first week of June was a doozy, really. Obama was reelected in November, maybe the 7th. I turned 30 on the 24th, but it was the following weekend that was memorable.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Two PRs in the half marathon. Getting to another level on the bike. Meeting Katera and turning this into a real relationship.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure I'd consider anything I did in 2012 a failure. I didn't quit my job, and I probably should have. I think I broke a heart or two, and for that I'm sorry.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah, I was sick with a cold or flu a couple of times. I went to the emergency room after a bad mountain bike crash where I tore a gash in my arm. No stitches or broken bones, though.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought a lot of great things this year.
•Macbook Air
•iPhone 5
•Apple TV
•Fox 32 F120 Fork
•The Sufferfest videos with TrainerRoad & Wahoo speed and cadence sensors
•Kitchen Aid stand mixer for Katera
•Black t-shirts

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Behavior? How about actions or results. The Olympians, including Georgia Gould for winning bronze. Emily Batty for racing even though she broke her collar bone. Kristin Armstrong for being amazing and going out on top. Bradley Wiggins. Ryder Hesjadal. Alberto Contador. Jeremy Powers for nationals. Obama for winning the election, and Elizabeth Warren for the same. All the other women who won. Of the people I know personally? Aaron got a new job. Mike and Nikki lost a lot of weight and got into mountain biking. That was great. Mike and Allison got married!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Republicans. They keep finding new ways to appall me. I can't believe some of them are filled with so much ignorance and hate. Why wouldn't you embrace another human being? Why do you have to control and belittle women? I don't understand. Lance Armstrong's pattern of behavior became much more clear as the year went on, culminating with the USADA report. As great an athlete and advocate as he is, he truly sounded like a bully in a lot of stories I heard about him. I always presumed he was innocent of the doping charges... until the USADA report proved him guilty. Unlike other athletes he did not fess up immediately, simply acting immature and dragging his sport through much more mud.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, probably. A lot of money went directly back into working. Getting to work, parking, getting between airports, eating at airports... it was all just too much.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got very excited about the Olympics! I couldn't stop watching them, and was so excited for all the athletes who saw their dreams come true or get shattered there.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
Psy - Gagnam Style

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Probably fatter
iii. richer or poorer? Maybe about the same, but I feel richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spending time with friends, going to the beach, climbing mountains, traveling, running, biking, and smiling.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating, I suppose. Working.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I woke up at my grandmother's house in Maine and drove back to Katera's empty place so I could sit close to the airport while I was on reserve.

21. Where did 21 go?

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?

23. How many one-night stands?

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Californication, definitely.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, thankfully.

26. What was the best book you read?
Bukowski - Post Office. It had this sense of morality that... well, nothing was right, nothing was wrong. We are all just living life. Make the most of it before you get too old.
I also read a really good history of the Erie Canal.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Top albums of 2012:
1. Japandroids - Celebration Rock
2. The Menzingers - On the Impossible Past
3. Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Allelujah! Don't Bend! Ascend!
4. Mumford & Sons - Babel
5. El-P - Cancer 4 Cure
6. Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra - Theatre is Evil
Amanda Palmer was my favorite discovery, though.

28. What did you want and get?
All those things that I bought. Dates. A girlfriend. Socks.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think that I went to the theater once this year. Very early in the year. And I rented maybe two movies. I'm not the best source to ask about movies.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30. I woke up in Toronto in a hotel, flew to New York, then got a ride to Boston where I hung out with Katera. We didn't do too much. That weekend, though, we went to East Burke, VT and rented a house. A lot of my friends came, which was a surprise to me. Most of us went mountain biking together, which was fantastic. Jim made a huge airplane cake for me. I have great friends.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A new job where the company pays better and treats its employees better.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Jeans, black t-shirt.

34. What kept you sane?
I left sanity behind for part of the year, which was ok. It was fun. I biked a little, but not enough. I relied on cookies again. Katera was very, very helpful in keeping me sane the rest of the year.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Georgia Gould. I was so proud of her. I really wanted Fabian Cancellara to do well this year. I had a crush on Emily Batty.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Well, there was that election thing. Gun control was very important late in the year. Women's rights, gay rights, labor issues, bicycle advocacy, and transportation in general were all very important to me.

37. Who did you miss?
My cats. Memories.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a lot of new people this year. Katera stands out, obviously. Florina. Angela. Kristin. Several others.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
Life doesn't judge you. People will, but life won't. Your life is yours to live how you please.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe.